I hosted the first Friendsgiving brunch this week. It was a chance to get together and enjoy a peaceful morning with a few friends before the craziness of the holidays begins. I think technically Friendsgiving means having Thanksgiving Dinner with your friends, but I thought brunch the week before sounded like a fun twist.
It is potluck style, so I encouraged my guests to bring something they have been dying to try. Maybe something fancy that their families would never eat, or a trial run on a new recipe for the holidays. I had them let me know what they were bringing to make sure we didn't have only muffins and to help me decide what to make.
As hostess I also provided the drinks, a clean house and a cute baby for entertainment. We had really yummy food and it was fun to hear how Thanksgiving ttraditions are so different for everyone. And even though our views on turkey are different we all agreed that we are already looking forward to our new tradition of friendsgiving.
Baby brother is almost here. Its getting real. He has a space of his own waiting. The space is in my heart and in our arms and in the guest room/baby room.
I feel flighty and unsure of where to start on my suddenly urgent to do list. But I know they are just things to do. So I think about him instead. I think about how calm he is going to make me. Which sounds funny to say about a baby and all that comes with one. But its true.
I think about us. The different versions of us. We have been three for so long. But we were just the two of us even longer than we have been three. And already it feels like there has always been four. The four of us. I like it.
I think about her. And my heart hurts. I know her heart is going to hurt too. She is strong and brave and kind and loving. She will be ok. I just hope she knows how much we love her. And can 't even begin to let her know how much she is a part of us. Part of our happiness. Part of our story. Part of him.
There are so many things to do. But the quiet moments in my thoughts are what are getting me ready.
About a month ago in Relief Society we had a lesson about being good moms. And the teacher referenced a talk that said "be brilliant at the basics". Just that one little quote struck something in me and it has helped me decide what my spiritual goal is for this year.
So I got out my notebook and I started making a list of the basic things in my life. I kind of got overwhelmed. Because under each basic thing is a million things to do to be brilliant at that one simple thing! And next thing I knew, my list wasn't basic anymore. It was something like this.
Be a brilliant mom
-dont do that
- do more of this
- teach her this
- a
-b
-c
-d
all the way to z.
And it was that way with each thing I thought I wanted to be brilliant at! So I had to take a step back and decide what were the most important things to be brilliant at. I want to be a brilliant mom, wife and friend/sister/daughter. The tricky part seemed to be figuring out how to be brilliant at those things without having 1000 things on my to do list every day.
Then I was reading in the Book of Mormon when Alma is talking to his sons. And a scripture leaped out at me. Its Alma 37:44 and it says...
O my son, do not let us be slothful because of the easiness of the way; for so was it was with our fathers; for so was it prepared for them, that if they would look they might live; even so is it with us. The way is prepared and if we will look we might live forever.
I've thought a lot about this and it is how I came up with what I need to be brilliant at. Every week at church there are those Sunday School answers to just about every question -- read your scriptures and say your prayers. It sure sounds easy but I'll be honest I've gotten pretty lazy about those things. I was counting reading those picture scriptures with Ivy before bed as scripture study. And family prayer, plus little prayers here or there in my head counts as personal prayer right? Uh, not so much.
SO, long story short. My spiritual goal this year is to become brilliant at personal scripture study and personal prayer. I really feel that doing these to things will help me be the kind of mom, wife, and friend that I want to be. It will help me make better decisions every day to bring me and those around me closer to Heavenly Father. I've pulled out my actual scriptures and I read and I ponder. I try and take notes. It is keeping me so much more focused. I'm trying to say my prayers before I get in to bed, actually saying them out loud so my mind doesn't wander. I'm not perfect at it every day thats for sure, but hopefully by the end of the year I can be kind of brilliant at it.
Wow. This year took off like a shot didn't it?! Is it really the end of January already? Has it really been a whole month since Christmas! I didn't mean to leave you hanging after our exciting news {which you should check out by the way.} Oh what you missed it the first time? Here you go... its only three minutes.
I know its just so fun to watch isn't it? I don't blame you for watching it again. Ivy is a natural.
Well with all that going on we are just waiting. Busy, but waiting. SO I thought I'd fill you in with all the fun details.
But first lets clear the air. No I 'm not pregnant. Haha. That was a common misconception and in hindsight I suppose we should have not used ultrasound pictures. But he is too cute not to share! Ok now that thats out of the way here's the story of our best Christmas present ever.
On the second monday in December I got a text from Darin to call him. So I did. Uhhh let me just tell you that the words out of his mouth were not what I was expecting at all. He told me a birth mom had picked us and our profile had been taken down. Hubba Whaaa??!! Well I instantly started crying and Darin's voice was all shaky which is boy for crying. He only knew a little bit of information like the fact that our birthmom was having a boy, she was due in April and we would get to talk to her on Wednesday. I was shaking. My whole body was shaking. And when I told Ivy. Oh I wish I had it on video but it was the best every. She started jumping up and down on the bed. And since I was on the phone she started screaming, I'm getting a baby brother!!!! I'm getting a baby brother!!!! Into the pillow. I died. We quickly decided to only let our parents know until we talked to her, cuz really how can you not tell someone that kind of news!?
I made this on my phone that night. The very first feeling that washed over me when Darin told me the news was just this immense love. I swear it was pouring right down from heaven and in to my heart. You know how a little kid stands at the edge of the moving walkway, stuck and scared to get on? That was me. For way too long. And in that moment it all changed and I was moving forward again.
I posted this picture that we took at 12:12 on 12.12.12. Did you know that was the last repetitive date we will ever have? And it was a moment I can't ever forget. What were we doing? Oh, just talking to our birthmom. Nervously making small talk at first, and hanging up the the phone an hour later, knowing that she was meant for us and we were meant for her. She thinks we are cool. We think she is amazing. Do you know what she said? That she was just so glad she could give us such an awesome Christmas present. I love her. Forever. She also said some fun things like how she liked that Darin looked like Keith Urban. That might have been my favorite part.
After that we decided since it was so close to Christmas that we would make it our Christmas present to let everyone know the news. The following Sunday we made our little video. Then we packaged up the discs and mailed them out. And waited. It was SO hard for some of us to keep a secret. I was fine. The other two not so much. But we made it and we had the best Christmas!
And new year.
And now we wait for April. Ivy has a countdown chain in her room. Darin signed up for those babycenter emails that tell you your baby is the size of an english cucumber or other various vegetables.
Baby brother is always on her mind. Multiple times during the day she will say things like I can't wait to teach baby brother....
and we are going to have to do this with baby brother...
and can we play birthmom? Can we watch birthing videos?
Always on her mind. Always on our minds.
+++
So thats the deets. I can't tell you how much we appreciated all of your kind comments and emails. THANK YOU!!
I feel like I am saying thank you so much these days which is a good thing. I don't mean because its Thanksgiving and we are feeling more grateful than usual. I am just blessed to have so many great people in my life that uplift, inspire, and help a girl out every once in a while. I made a thank you card to give to a couple people. I just printed them out on kraft paper and wrote a little note inside. Feel free to grab a bag of Cadbury eggs to give along with your card. Yes I saw them, just today in Christmas colors. Crack I tell you.
And since this is my 400th post I thought I would thank you too. You can download {for personal use of course} your own thank you cards HERE. Print, cut and fold and don't forget the cadbury eggs!
Three years ago as I watched Ivy open Christmas presents I got tears in my eyes. I just looked at Darin and said she needs brothers and sisters to share this with. Over three years I have started and stopped and wished and faltered. Seasons and years have gone by and it came down to me staring at the computer screen crying because I don't know what to say. Too many emotions to put in to telling someone PICK US. Pick us. Please. And then Darin says let me have a turn. And its done. In ten minutes. How do boys do that?
It has taken us almost three years to finally finish. Thank you to every single person that has prayed, and pushed and cheered us on to get it done. Our adoption profile is now online to view. If you or someone you know is looking to place their baby for adoption, maybe think of us. We are so grateful to you.
Lately I have been dying from the worst cold ever. Even getting my hair did didn't keep it away.
This little lady and I have been getting along marvelously. Afternoon kindergarten definitely agrees with us. We have time to make cookies, do homework and read a thousand books before she is even off to school. Yesterday she told me she wished I was her teacher so she wouldn't have to miss me while she was at school. My heart grew three sizes.
Wednesday is the new date night for my boyfriend and me. Ivy has ballet on Wednesday nights and there is nowhere to sit and watch or anything. Lucky though its right by Greenies. So I drop off my little ballerina and then head off for some one on one time with Darin. Our date of choice is bike riding along the river while catching up and reconnecting during our busy weeks. I'm loving Wednesdays a lot.
"The greatest good we do is for each other. "
>> Mother Theresa <<
I've been trying to do more good and it feels so good.
I tend to get a little bit of wanderlust in February and March. The cold wind and gray days get to me I guess. I've got it BAD right now. I'm this close to selling just about everything we own and moving to some tropical island. Doesn't that sound wonderful?
It seems wonderful because I feel like if I did it, the hard things about my life would just go away. Being on a beach all day I can handle. The real life stuff, I'm not so good at handling sometimes.
I eventually talked myself out of putting all of my furniture on Craigslist this morning with things like...
Ivy is starting kindergarten in the fall, and I would miss my family and friends, and there is a little baby here that needs me. The time is coming soon for our family to get bigger and if I was on a tropical island I would miss it.
And then I made a full recovery and realize that it's going to be ok. That sometimes, yeah life is hard but what I need is more faith, not white sandy beaches.
So, I'll keep my stuff.
I'll work on having more faith.
I don't want to miss my adventure because I was too busy hoping for a different one.
March and I aren't really friends. Its the month where I look outside and see beautiful sunshine and think how pretty it is and geez wouldn't it be nice to go to the park? And then I step out the door and I'm nearly blown away by the crazy wind. And its not warm at all... DANG IT! See? how can I be friends with such a tricky little month. But all that sunshine has me dreaming of days when we can go to the park and it is warm outside. Its got me actually smiling in the mornings instead of dreading getting up in the dark.
We finally tracked down a video that we haven't seen in probably four years, lost after moving. Lost forever we though when we switched to a Mac last summer. Four years and I still cry when I watch it.
4 1/2 years have passed from this day and I still can't even believe I was so lucky to be able to actually experience it, just once.
4 1/2 years isn't even how long I begged my Heavenly Father to have those moments. Maybe when Ivy has been here longer than I wished for her to be here I won't cry.
Can it really be December already? I love December, don't you? I've had advent calendars on my mind since I've been putting one for our family together. It just needs to be hung and I can't wait to show you. Until then I wanted to share this little service advent calendar we made with our Young Women at church last night.
On our schedule was a service activity. But we also wanted to help them have service on their minds for longer than one night, especially during the holidays. So I came up with an easy way for them {and I} to perform service all month long, keeping Christ more centered in our Christmas.
It is simple to put together and if you want to make one for yourself, I bet you could even get it done today and not miss out on a day.
I found the envelopes in the gift bag section at Michaels. I think they were $3 for 25. I cut numbers with my Silhouette but you could use stamps or any number stickers you have on hand. Hole punch the top and string them all together. Tuck in a card with an act of service to do each day, and you are ready to count down the days to Christmas!
+++
PS... The winner of the Level Up Intro To Photography class is Italia! Thanks so much for entering! And I'll let you know when the class after Christmas is so you can learn how to use your new Christmas Presents!
You guys remember Amanda right?!! My partner in crime from the Friendship Bracelet Swap? I heart her, I really do so of course she had to visit for I'm Thankful week...
Happy Thanksgiving week, beautiful Ruffle-lets!
I am so excited to be here -- Jenn is my favorite, did you know?
Thanks for having me over today!
I knew right away what I wanted to write about for this series, but I kept pushing it away.
really, amanda? lame. obvious. booo-ring.
But I just can't push it away. I think it would eat a hole in my head if I kept it inside any longer.
And so today...
I am thankful for the gift of
c r e a t i v i t y .
And I'm not talking about the sewing/mod podge/stamping/scrapping kind of creativity
{though that is nice, too}.
I'm talking about the creativity we each were born with--
The creativity that lets you make
a smile -- a bouquet of dandelions -- a symphony of crackling leaves -- a jump-on-the-bed wild rumpus --
--that lets us make joy.
{children are so good at knowing this intuitively.}
Here is what I believe about creativity:
I believe that we are the children of the most creative being in the universe.
and whether our talents lie in friendliness or flowers, concertos or kazoos,
I think we've each inherited some irresistible want
I've been thinking about what this little girl teaches me. What I learn from her is just as important as all of the things she learns from me. Today I'm thankful I have learned to enjoy each + every season.
I try and cherish each + every season because I know how fast each season will go by. How each + every year she and I get older they pass me by even faster.
We love each + every season to the last drop. We love every holiday that comes our way. It is magical to experience each + every holiday with her.
I try and capture in my heart the special-ness that is our each + every day. Because this season of little Ivy is going by too quickly and we'll be on to the next season before I know it.
So I'm not rushing it. I'll take each season as it comes.
+++
"Write it on your heart that every day is the best day of the year." -Emerson
My friend Julie is an amazing example of not just being good but DOING good. I need a little push in the doing part sometimes. So I'll be joining her in making someone's day every day this week. Is a week long enough to make it a habit? I hope so.
I'm thankful for snow. Especially the, * Oh what we are visiting Colorado isn't it so fun that it snowed 6 inches and magically didn't stick to the roads so we can go get some gloves to play in it * kind .
Especially the * So pretty and white and sparkly you just have to eat it * kind.
And ESPECIALLY the *our whole family is going snowboarding today* kind of snow that we will have this winter. Can she really be big enough? Geez. Darin took me snowboarding on our first date... 12 years ago. My how the days fly.
{Yep thats me! I totally rocked it back in the day. HA!}
Having a doctor tell you that there is a zero percent chance of getting pregnant on your own is devastating. And devastated is what I have been for so long. After surgeries and crazy menopausal drugs and knowing that in the end it didn't matter we decided to try in vitro. We were so blessed to have it work our first try. But after the next two rounds failed I was still a girl who couldn't have kids.
Last Mothers Day was that lowest moment when not even having Ivy made me happy. I remember being at the park about a month after Mother's Day and watching a mom with 3 little boys probably under three. I watched her and I got mad. When she put Coke in her little boys bottle I was angry. Why could this mom who wasn't doing a good job get to have kids and I didn't? Didn't I deserve it more than she did? I was a way better mom than that. It wasn't fair.
Right after that I had a big long talk with my Grandma at a Family reunion. After talking about how life isn't perfect and that life is hard she told me... If we were all to hang our troubles out on the line, you would pick yours and I would pick mine. And that was from the lady that was on the fifth month of her 6 months left to live, dying from cancer. She sat there and told me that she didn't know how I did it. As I sat there wondering how she did it.
Some time after that I started making a conscious effort to be happy. I decided to be thankful and grateful for the things I did have. I remembered to be thankful for my sweet baby Ivy. It can take effort sometimes to be happy. I'll even fake it until I make it a lot but I've also learned that it is ok to be sad AND to be happy. It doesn't have to be one or the other. At christmas time someone bore their testimony and I loved what he said.
God can't prevent the storms in our lives. But He does provide peace in the midst of them.
I finally realized after all those years of praying for things to be different, for God to help our family grow and to just make it so I could have kids that I had been praying for the wrong thing. I started praying for peace. Peace for my heart to accept the circumstances I had been given. I also started praying more for others and wishing peace for so many others struggling with hard things. And as I opened my heart to others and tried to lift people up instead of worrying about my own trials, my burden became so much lighter.
I kept coming back to this quote in my head by Joseph Campbell. I don't think there are many girls that imagine growing up and not being able to have children. And I think that is why Mothers' Day was so hard for me last year. I was hanging on to that life I imagined. The one that wasn't there. I wasn't moving forward or accepting the one I had. But I decided at the beginning of the year that I was going to Be. I chose to BE but that means I have to DO. I have to move forward and enjoy and trust in the life that is waiting for me.
As I thought about what I was going to say in church on Sunday, I remembered what my sweet Grandma had said about the laundry line. I realize I have learned another lesson from that little quote. And I think now I fully understood how much I have grown in one year. I know that I would gladly take my trials down off the line so that lady at the park, or anyone else wouldn't have to face the same heartache.
Mothers Day is hard for so many reasons to so many different people. But I've learned over this past year that if we serve others, that if we let God really be a part of our lives and if we choose to be happy that eventually we will be.
+++
Thank you, thank you sweet friends for all of your kind words, thoughts, prayers and support this past week. I cried my way through the whole thing and I'm really glad its over. I didn't say everything I wanted, so I decided to share what I tried to say here as well. I really wanted to get up and talk about how terrible my life was. But I found that what I really wanted to share is that I'm happy. I've grown so much this past year and I'm excited to see where this next year will take me.
