I'm Thankful with Making It My Own {part 2}

Oh my.  I am writing this a day early and I don't know if I'm quite ready.  Actually I've just been putting it off, knowing I'm going to shed a tear or two {million} and hope I can put all of the thoughts swirling around in my head in to a meaningful {and cohesive} post.  And while it is still easier to just say Hey Look what I made, I'm starting to agree with Kathleen Kelly {and Heather}, that, "Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal."  So folks its about to get personal up in here.  Bear with me while I explain how I even got to the point where I can have an I'm Thankful week(s) and mean it...

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In May there is a holiday that I could do without.  It rocks me every year and I wonder why I don't just pretend to be sick that day so I'm not sitting in church hearing about how great Mothers are.  Before I go any further here is my disclaimer that this has nothing to do with my Mom.  My mom is fabulous.  And I'm not saying I'm a bad mom or Ivy isn't a miracle in my life.   But being reminded every year in a much bigger way than an every day tiny ache in my heart that I can't have kids is just not how I want to spend the day.  This past May was no different and maybe even worse because I was finally facing the fact, that really, I would never have another tiny person in my stomach kicking me in the ribs and giving me crazy heartburn.  I was focusing so much on that fact that I was forgetting to be thankful for my sweet little girl, outside of my stomach, kicking me in the ribs and giving me heartburn. Do you know what forgetting to be thankful does?  It makes you not very happy.  Everything starts to be wrong, and hard.  

"If we were all to hang our troubles out on the line, you'd pick yours and I'd pick mine." 

My grandma said that to me this summer.  It was more in passing than anything but I know it is what shifted my thinking.  Just the tiniest bit, but enough to start changing my heart.  To not be so selfish, and to think outside my own small world  Not too much later  I stumbled on to Heather's sweet blog.   I can't even say what an impact it has had on my life.  I was inspired by her ability to move forward from really hard things and her desire to find positive ways to do that.  And I finally grasped what I knew, but didn't get.

"It is your reaction to adversity, not the adversity itself, that determines how your life’s story will develop"

-Dieter F. Uchtdorf

So I started trusting God and my own ability to move forward.  Because He won't give me something I can't handle.  I started choosing to be happy.   I started remembering to be thankful . And do you know what remembering to be thankful does? It makes it so everything isn't so wrong, or so hard. Making those small, but very big choices has made me a better mom, friend, wife and more the person that I want to be.  And while I can't say I would be in a hurry to pick my troubles from the line, I can say that having a grateful heart makes it a little bit easier to take them down and accept them as my own.  

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And that my friends is a little bit of how and why I'm so happy to share I'm Thankful Week you.  It only took about 4 hours and 20 tissues to get my thoughts just right in writing, so don't go thinking its going to be a regular thing!  Its hard! 

P.S.

 I  need to say that forgetting to be thankful for Ivy in no way means that I wasn't thankful for her.   She is my greatest gift I've ever gotten, and I'm forever grateful for every second.    Except maybe the getting kicked in the ribs and heartburn. ;)